Where the story ends
by 21st century kid
Summary: Short drabbles about Roxas and Sora and their relationship. Different genres. // Drabble 17: A pillowcase artist. "Do you watch me when I try to sleep?"
1. Manic depression

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**1: Manic depression**

**Rating:** K+  
**Genre: **Romance, light angst, AU  
**Pairing: **Roxas/Sora

Definitions  
**Manic depression:** 1. A psychiatric diagnostic category, now called bipolar disorder, characterised by mood swings between great energy (manic) and clinical depression.

* * *

_Sora was afraid of getting up from bed. Sora was afraid of drinking his morning coffee. Sora was afraid of taking a shower. Sora was afraid of dressing himself. Sora was afraid of walking outside his house.  
And Roxas was afraid of Sora.  
_

"Should we visit Hayner this weekend? He said he's got a new girlfriend he wants to introduce to us," Roxas said, trying to sound understanding and gentle end encouraging but determined at the same time. Apparently he failed miserably because Sora shook his head.  
"I can't," he whispered and Roxas couldn't do anything else but lie down next to him under the covers and kiss him comfortingly.  
"You probably hate me already," Sora said when Roxas finally ended the kiss. Roxas shook his head, almost scared.  
"Of course I don't hate you! I love you, silly," he said too quickly to sound natural. Sora snorted sadly and hid his face behind his blanket.

_Sometimes Sora acted normal. He woke up before Roxas and made some coffee. After the breakfast they went for a walk together.  
Roxas could only fear the time the next phase would start. _

"Can we buy gifts for Kairi and Naminé?" Sora asked, staring at the window of a present shop. He pressed his palm against the window and smiled.  
"Hm?"  
"Are you even listening to me?" Sora exclaimed but he wasn't angry. Sora was never angry. He only laughed at Roxas' confused expression.  
"Yeah, of course we can," Roxas answered absent-mindedly. He couldn't get his eyes off the dark circles around Sora's eyes and the frown on his face. No matter how much Sora laughed, it didn't calm Roxas down. Yesterday Sora hadn't agreed to eat because he had feared his food was poisoned.  
"Can we buy ice creams?"  
"Huh? Oh... Yeah."

_When Roxas woke up to Sora's crying and screams, he didn't know what to do. His heart told him to press Sora against himself, to promise him warmth and love but his mind told him to watch out for Sora's reaction.  
Roxas never learned to understand Sora's needs._

"Sora? Sora, are you crying?"  
Sora didn't answer but the sobbing stopped and now all Roxas could hear was trembling breathing that tried to hide Sora from the shadows and Roxas.  
"Sora, what's the matter?" Roxas asked and touched Sora's shoulder lightly.  
"Don't touch me!" Sora hissed and slapped Roxas' hand aside. He glared at Roxas for a moment and his blue eyes were burning with rage.  
"Calm down. I didn't mean to hurt you," Roxas said but didn't dare to look Sora in the eyes.  
"Just... just go to sleep," Sora said, his voice was already calmer. Roxas was afraid of falling asleep.  
After a while the crying started again. Roxas could only listen with a broken heart.

_Nobody else knew about Sora's condition. He could hide his real self frighteningly well. He laughed, talked, advised, frowned warily and then laughed again. And sometimes he was just in a bad mood, or that was what their friends thought.  
Roxas never knew if he was the only one Sora revealed his sickness to or if Roxas was just so much more observant than the rest of the world._

"The dinner will be ready soon!" Kairi shouted from the kitchen.  
"Thank you, my dear," Riku yelled back. Their son was sitting on his father's lap, looking around himself and wondering. He looked at their cat that was sleeping next to Roxas. The boy also looked at Roxas who was petting the cat with his left hand and stroking Sora's hair with his left one. He didn't dare to glance at Sora's face.  
"How are you two doing? As romantic as ever?" Riku laughed. His son had made him blinder. Roxas didn't mind.  
"We're good," Roxas answered and kissed Sora quickly on the cheek. Sora startled a little but forced himself to smile at Riku.  
"What about you, Sora?" Riku asked absent-mindedly - he had hardly heard Roxas' answer. He was only looking at his son.  
"I think we'll leave now," Sora said suddenly and got up. Riku hadn't listened to him.  
"Come on, Roxas," Sora said, determined, but there was anxiety in his eyes. Roxas frowned at him and took his hands gently in his owns.  
"Are you sure? Kairi will be hurt if we don't eat dinner."  
"Roxas, please," Sora pleaded with a deep voice; he sounded so frightened that Roxas gave up.

_Why was Roxas still with Sora? How could anyone love someone whose moods depended on the color of their coffee cup? If someone asked Roxas, he'd know the answer immediately.  
Because love was crazy._

"Roxas, why are you still here?" Sora whispered carefully.  
"You know the answer," Roxas growled. He was cleaning up the kitchen where Sora had lost his temper yesterday.  
"Roxas, I threw a knife at you! You can't always forgive me!" Sora shouted. Roxas turned to look at him. Everything in Sora - his position, expressions, eyes, his whole being - was full of desperation. It all referred to the fear of losing love and protection.  
Roxas had spent many nights wondering how long he could take care of a man who feared, hated and loved even his own shadow. But every night he had come to the same conclusion.  
"You know the answer," he repeated. "Actually your mood swings are kind of sexy." He laughed. And something in his laughter made Sora smile as well. It was a weak and short smile but it was enough for Roxas. He would be able to go on because of it once again.


	2. Just one more kiss

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

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**2: Just one more kiss**

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **Angst, romance  
**Pairing: **Sora/Roxas

Definitions  
**Kiss:** 1. A touch with the lips, usually to express love or affection, or as a greeting.  
2. Of two or more people, to touch each other's lips together, usually to express love or affection or passion.

* * *

"Do you have to go?" he asks, trying to hide bitterness in his voice. He doesn't get a reply.

"If you really have to leave, then go. But I..." he stammers and mutters something incoherent under his breath. Then he takes a deep breath. "I just want one more kiss," he whispers quietly. His voice is so quiet that nobody hears it.

"Because I love you," he continues, trying desperately to get the other answer him. The other has always been so unsocial and uncommunicative. Or maybe the other hasn't even heard him?

"Do you remember that time when we ran naked in the woods around my house? And then we fell asleep in the forest. In the morning you had to sneak in my room through the window to get clothes for us," he laughs at the memory. "That was fun. We should do it again sometimes."

He still doesn't get an answer and he's starting to get anxious. He sighs. "I know you'll have to leave. But promise me we'll meet again? Please? I know you want to be free because I want that too. But we can't run away."

He thinks for a while. "We're needed," he says finally and tries to make his voice sound sure and knowing but fails. "Okay, I lied. _I_ need you," he admits and feels ashamed because his words are so quiet again.

"I hope we could grow wings and fly away," he smiles but then he sighs, feeling so old. "But I don't think it's possible anymore. Do you remember when we climbed to the cliffs and just stared at the sky? Could we do that again today? It's such a beautiful day outside," he says, his voice is full of hope, but nobody replies.

"_I'd like to have another kiss_," he sings silently. "_Another kiss, another kiss..._"

He cries.


	3. Loving life

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

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**3: Loving life**

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **General, AU  
**Pairing:** ambiguous Sora/Roxas or just friendship

Definitions  
**Life:** 1. The state that precedes death and follows birth or conception.  
2. A worthwhile existence.

* * *

The wind ruffled Sora's hair so that it was even more tangled than before. His eyes were burning and his fingers were freezing but he didn't care.

"Sora, let's go back! My ass is freezing!" he heard Roxas shouting from the beach. Sora didn't answer. He had closed his eyes, concentrating completely; he was lying on his surfboard, preparing himself for the next ocean wave. "Are you listening to me?!"

When the wave approached him, he stood up and then he was moving in a furious speed - he didn't have time to think everything through so he just went with his instincts. He was nearing the beach too quickly, he thought and laughed madly. Adrenaline was running in his veins. Then suddenly he crashed down in the sea and almost choked on water and surfaced in order to breathe again.

"Sora you nutcase!"

"That was awesome!" Sora said and laughed breathlessly. His legs were aching as he made his way to Roxas.

"Just don't do that again! I almost had a heart attack," Roxas groaned, shaking his head. "You're hopeless, you know that?"

"Yeah, I knew it," Sora grinned widely.

Roxas just rolled his eyes. "Can we go back now?"

"Not yet. I want to try that again," Sora replied, his face was shining with enthusiasm. His friend didn't look pleased but apparently he had decided to make sure that Sora wouldn't break his neck. "You wanna try?"

"No way," Roxas answered. "I'm not going to kill myself on a _surfboard_ of all places. Besides, I was serious when I said I'm freezing."

"It's not so hard," Sora claimed. "You're not going to die. I'll show you a few tricks and then we can go back home. Okay?"

Roxas sighed. "If you say so."

Sora smirked triumphantly.

* * *

"I'm so sorry! How was I supposed to know that the water was so cold already? You just took so long to change your clothes and learn how to stand on the surfboard properly!"

"I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Don't be silly," Sora said, trying to hide his smile. "We didn't have to swim so far, anyway."

Roxas pressed his hand on Sora's mouth and glared at him. "Do you want to get caught? Your parents would blow a fuse if they found out that we were surfing in the middle of the night."

"Mmph," Sora huffed against Roxas' hand and licked it, smirking. Roxas yelped and pulled his hand back, wiping it on his shirt. He kept glowering at Sora who laughed, amused by his friend's expression. "Let's take a bath. We'll get sick if we don't warm ourselves up."

"We're so not taking a bath!" Roxas hissed. "Your parents would wake up. They don't even know that I stayed over night."

"Well, that didn't bother you so much earlier," Sora said, smiling sweetly in return.

"You forced me! If we're caught, you're responsible for everything."

"Of course, of course," Sora replied and pressed his head on Roxas' shoulder as they made their way back to Sora's house.

"Ugh, your hair is all wet, Sora!"

Sora just laughed.

* * *

They both had fever the very next morning.


	4. Blue

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

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**4: Blue**

**Genre: **Romance, slight fluff, AU  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora  
**Warnings:** References to underage sex, drugs

Definitions  
**Blue: **1. The color of the clear sky or the deep sea, between green and violet in the visible spectrum.  
2. Depressed, melancholic, sad.  
3. Having a color shade close to blue.

* * *

Blue.

I watch how Sora waves his hand enthusiastically while he speaks. He has colored his figernails as a joke; I think it looks nice. His fingernails are perfectly shaped, too. The blue color matches well with his wide and bright eyes and the walls around us.

"Only one year left," Sora sighs, pulling me back to the reality. Reality, I thought absent-mindedly. The entirety of all that is real. Each individual's own subjective perception of that which is real.

"One year left of what?" I ask even though I know the answer. _Only five minutes left_, I want to add when I notice that Sora's pupil widens remarkably but he opens his mouth before I have a chance.

"You know," he says and looks at me with a bit accusative expression. I hear million encouraging winks in his voice; I had ignored them before because of my pride.

"I guess," I reply but that isn't enough for Sora. He sits down next to me, staring straight at me with his sapphire eyes.

"You can't live your whole life like your friends live theirs," Sora says but I don't have time to answer before the effect begins. "Wow, Roxas," Sora says and his smile is childishly sweet. "Your eyes are lovely."

I could say the same thing about his fingernails. Suddenly my whole world is focused on Sora's hands. They are the vanishing point of this room and all the outlines hurry towards them but they never reach their destination.

"Your eyes are floating, Roxas," Sora says and giggles. "They're floating, Roxas!"

"You'll be floating soon, too," I say and stand up. The gravity has disappeared and I feel as I hover a few inches above the ground. I help Sora up and fall in love with him over again. I pick him up and we spin around around around. He smiles widely and that smile almost hides his fingernails. I don't want that to happen so I put him down and blue color fills the world again, making me laugh.

"Do your friends know about this?" Sora asks when he gets tired of exploring the room. I think his pupils are the normal size again but I can't be sure. Nothing is normal in my world right now. "Roxas?" Sora whispers next to my ear. I startle because I didn't notice him coming so close.

"No," I say and smile at Sora's eyes that seem to shine in rainbow colors. "I don't know."

Sora sighs and sits down on an old, dusty chair. He hides his face in his hands and I sit on the arm of the chair. I stroke his hair absently.

"They wouldn't understand, Sora," I explain to him. "They never understand."

"But they are your friends," Sora says and looks at me. Or he probably thinks he's looking at me but I think his eyes are directed at something much farther. Or maybe it's just me who doesn't understand what he sees. I don't know and I don't really care.

"Axel and Demyx just keep drinking all the time. Hayner is too deep in his drugs to care about this," I say as I sit on Sora's lap. "I'm not interested in throwing up every morning or dying in a dark street from overdose."

"Are you saying we can't overdose on this stuff?" Sora asks, curious, staring at LSD on the floor.

"No," I tell him; I'm glad to show my knowledge to him. The seller of LSD has told me facts about this drug. "We can't get hooked on this stuff and it doesn't cause physical damage."

Sora nods, looking interested, but I can see how his eyes dart all around the room. I don't mind because that's a perfect chance for me to place my hand on his thigh. It feels nice and Sora smiles slightly, too. "Let me go," he laughs. "You're heavy, you know? Be a gentleman and let me sit on your lap, Roxas!"

"But this position is good for something else," I answer and suppress his protests by kissing him gently.

The kiss lasts forever in my mind. It leaves us together in the cold room, fooling around on an old, broken armchair. It travels through the bright summer night that will eventually smother it but I'm too high and too happy to notice it.

"School will be finished next year," Sora says as he puts on his pants.

"Yeah," I reply, trying to figure out why my socks seem to run away from me. "And we'll be thrown into the war right away."

"Are you sure?" Sora asks carefully. "You know we don't have to, right?"

I sigh. I let my socks run all around the room and walk to Sora. He is sitting on the floor, putting on his shirt or at least trying to. I help him because the only things that dislocates my world right now are my socks that chase each other in circles. "You know that Axel and Demyx are in it," I say. "What would they say if I told them I'm going to become a shop assistant while they kill and get killed?"

"Don't say that," Sora pleads. I know that he has a lot of fear for our friends because of this war.

"I don't understand why we should fight," I sigh.

"Me neither," Sora says and crosses his arms over his chest in a rebellious manner. The gesture is so cute that I pull him closer. That makes the world shake funnily and I'd like to try it again but Sora clings to me so I let it slide and I focus on his fingernails again.

"But Roxas, why would we have to fight?" Sora asks. His voice is excited. "Can't we pound some sense into others' heads?"

I smile slightly. "Yeah, we can arrange a protest when school starts again!" I exclaim, forgetting that there is only three centimeters between my mouth and Sora's ear. "I bet Axel and Demyx would be stunned."

He laughs. I burst into laughter as well as soon as I realize what kind of expressions my friends would have.

"We can paint slogans on the walls!"

"And explain to people how stupid war really is!"

"We can refuse to eat until the king forbids all the ceremonies that just provoke people!"

"And then we can use LSD every weekend and make love every night!"

Sora and I stare at each other breathlessly. Suddenly everything feels so damn good. He leans forward to kiss me and I let the blue color fill the whole sick world.


	5. Love you all

**5: Love you all**

**Genre:** Fluff, drama  
**Rating:** K+  
**Pairing:** one-sided innocent Sora/Roxas  
**Warnings:** Children calling other children names D:

Definitions  
**Love:** 1. To have a strong affection for or to care deeply about.  
2. An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.  
3. A condition in which the happiness of another is essential to one's own happiness. (Paraphrased from a definition offered by Robert A. Heinlein in _Stranger in a Strange Land_.)

* * *

The day was truly beautiful. Birds were singing and the sun was shining in the cloudless sky. Sora was walking home from kindergarten with his mother; he had his green backpack with him and he was wearing his favorite T-shirt. The cobblestones were burning his bare feet as they stopped to wait for a car to pass them before crossing the street. Their home was light blue. A white fence also surrounded it and their neighbor's house looked the same as theirs.

A wide grin appeared on Sora's face as he saw that the boy next door was sitting on his own home's stairs. He felt tingling in his chest and he waves his hand at the boy. "Hey, Loksas."  
The boy raised his look and watched Sora blankly for the longest time. Then he said, "My name is Roxas."  
"That's what I said. Loksas," Sora pouted at the boy's stupidity. Roxas looked at him and then rolled his eyes as he continued to stare in the sky.

"Do you wanna play?" Sora smiled at the boy. "I have a new ball."  
"I don't want to play with you," Roxas answered. "You look like a girl."  
Sora giggled; he thought it sounded nice but the boy was still looking at him with boredom. "But all the other children are playing, too."  
"I'm an exception, then." Roxas frowned. "You're just a kid."  
"I have a birthday next week," Sora told him indignantly. "I'm almost six!"

"Well, I'm already nine," Roxas said proudly and stood up. "And I'm a lot taller than you." Sora tilted his head in a confused manner as the boy walked closer. "You are just a kid, small and stupid."  
"I'm not stupid," Sora muttered, pursing his lips. He narrowed his eyes. "You are."  
Roxas laughed. "But I can't be stupid 'cause I'm much bigger and smarter than you."  
"You are a dummy." Sora's lower lip trembled. "You can't call me names."  
"Of course I can. Because I'm older," Roxas claimed. Then he sighed. "See, you're crying again."

"Why do you always bully me?" Sora asked, pouting. He swallowed his tears. "I like you."  
"I don't like you," Roxas replied. "As I said, you're just a kid."  
"Mommy says that I'm a big boy." Sora looked at the other's blue eyes. "I'm Mommy's own big boy."  
"I'm still bigger than you." Roxas shook his head. "And you're a shorty."

Sora shrugged. "You are a kid, too."  
"But I'm more mature."  
"It's okay," Sora chirped cheerfully. "I still like you!" He smiled and kissed Roxas quickly on the cheek. "I love you."  
"Yuck." Roxas took a few steps away from him and wiped his cheek with his hand. His eyes were as wide as plates. "Ewww!"  
"Do you wanna have tea with Mr. Gold?" Sora smiled and grabbed Roxas' hand. "Mr. Gold is my teddy bear. He has two kids and I always play with them."  
"Don't touch me!" Roxas tore his hand free. For a while he looked confused. Sora was preparing himself for his first kiss but Roxas just whispered viciously, "I'll tell my mom that you kissed me. She will call your parents."

Sora sighed hopelessly. This wasn't going according to the plan at all.  
"Are you scared?" Roxas asked. "Run to your Mommy, quickly, quickly!"  
"You are silly." Sora tried to look angry but the boy just laughed, "So you don't love me anymore?"  
"No!" Sora snapped. "You are the stupidest person I've ever met! You're a monkey! I hate you!"

"How terrible," Roxas said, rolling his eyes.  
"My heart doesn't belong to you anymore!" Sora shouted, crying. He had heard his mother yelling that to his father once. He hadn't seen his father after that.  
"Well, now I'm the one who's scared," Roxas said. "I don't care about kids like you." He walked to his door and opened it, glancing at Sora over his shoulder.

"I just wanted to play with you!" Sora shouted after the boy as longing gripped his heart. Roxas stuck his tongue out at Sora before closed the door after him.  
"But I still love you," Sora muttered and tears kept falling down his face as he walked back to his own house. The grass tickled his toes as he made his way to Mr. Gold who was sitting under a tree, smiling at him comfortingly.  
"I love you, too," Sora whispered to the teddy bear as he hugged him tightly. "I love both of you."

Then he noticed Mr. Gold's children sitting in the tree and smiled widely. "I love two you, too," he added. "But that's our secret."


	6. What you desire

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding! **Comments are love.**

* * *

**6: What you desire**

**Genre:** pure romance and fluff  
**Rating:** K+  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora, past Roxas/Naminé

Definitions  
**Desire:** 1. More formal or stronger word for want.  
2. Someone or something wished for.  
3. Strong attraction, particularly romantic.

* * *

They were having a peaceful Sunday evening in their apartment's living room in front of a fireplace. An autumn storm was raging outside these beautiful walls. Two people who were lying on the couch side by side were quiet but the silence wasn't awkward: a blonde-haired young man was looking out of the window. There was another man who was about the same age as the first one and his head was on the other's lap.

Suddenly the sitting man, Roxas, turned to look away from the window and poked the other on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Hm?" the brown-haired man made an indeterminate sound. He didn't even raise his look from the magazine he had been reading for the last two hours.

Roxas gathered his courage to ask a question that had been bugging him for ages. "Sora, when did you fall for me?"

Sora's hands froze. "Why do you ask?"

Even though they had been dating since High School and moved in together when the school had ended, they had never talked about their relationship and it hadn't been so long ago when they had told each other about their feelings for the first time. Neither of them was talented verbally and they hadn't needed any confessions until now. Now Roxas wanted to know what Sora's real feelings were - and especially when they had started to grow.

"I was just thinking," Roxas said, avoiding the other's gaze and hoping not to blush. Sora was silent for so long that Roxas almost thought he had forgotten the question (wouldn't be the first time). He was just about to repeat it when Sora reached out his hand and touched his cheek uncertainly.

"It was the eighth year at school," Sora said quietly, avoiding Roxas' eyes too. "I remember your dating Naminé. You looked so happy together. She was always smiling when I saw her around that time. And you were always talking about her so eagerly. I wanted to be your only desire." His cheeks reddened. "Don't get me wrong. I was truly happy for you both. I'm sorry it didn't work out in the end."

Roxas was gaping. "The eighth year?"

Sora blushed a deeper shade of red. "I... I started to think about it a bit too much," he continued, stammering. "How... good it felt when someone cared so much. How important you were to me." He turned his head to stare at the fireplace.

Something warm awoke in the pit of Roxas' stomach as he heard Sora's words. A wide smile spread across his face and he grabbed Sora's chin gently, turning his head back to him. Uncertainty disappeared from Sora's face as he saw the fondness in Roxas' eyes and a shy smile appeared on his lips as well.

Roxas bent down to press a clumsy kiss on Sora's lips. Open mouths caressed each other and their tongues found one another. Roxas couldn't believe how lucky he was to have a man so wonderful and lovely. Even though Sora could be jealous and sometimes he was unbelievably stubborn, he was still everything Roxas needed in order to stay sane: he was funny, relaxed and always seemed to know when Roxas just wanted to forget the world around them and just be with Sora alone.

As he now felt his own rough lips against Sora's, Roxas knew that he would never let go of his best friend, lover, the most important person in his life.

"You still are," Roxas whispered when their lips parted. "You still are what I always desire."

Two men lay silently on the couch, arms around each other, watching the fire and listening to the storm outside their home.


	7. Cheater

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding! **Comments are still love.**

* * *

**7: Cheater**

**Genre:** Angst  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora, Roxas/OC  
**Warnings: **Adultery, nudity

Definitions  
**Cheater:** 1. Informal for cheat, someone who commits the act of cheating.

* * *

_Cheater. Cheater. Cheater._

The words are ringing through my head and I can't get them out. Sitting on the edge of my bathtub, I try to stop my hands from shaking and the tears from leaking out of the corner of my eyes.

_I do not cry. Crying is weak._

I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. My blonde hair is mussed up from rubbing against the pillow in my bed; my cheeks are still slightly flushed. I carefully avoid looking in my eyes, and pause to observe my other features. Lips, red and swollen from the force of her own pair crushing against them. My gaze moves down to my neck and I see a dark red bruise forming on the right side. Love bites are supposed to be what the name says: a mark that someone's left on you from physical love. And this? Love? Hell, this isn't even what someone could remotely call _attraction_, let alone_ love_. She was just… something. Nothing.

I finally gather the courage to look myself in the eyes. They're the same shape and the same shade of blue as they've always been, but still something's different. My eyes look just like I feel: empty and cold. I can feel tears burning behind them, and my insides scream to let them out. I refuse to, I've done nothing wrong, I've simply repaid the wrongs done upon me.

_He deserved it. I did nothing wrong._

I repeat the words in my head; a desperate mantra to justify my actions to myself. But then my mind starts overflowing in memories of the last half-hour, and suddenly I feel sick.

I barely make it to the toilet in time. The moment that my knees hit the cold floor, I'm retching for what seems like an eternity. When my stomach is finally empty of all its contents, I sit on the floor and dry-heave for a moment. By the time I'm sure that my legs will hold me up, I realise that I've been gone for quite a long time, much longer than it would take to just get a painkiller, which is what I told her that I'm doing. I stand up and make my way to the sink with slightly trembling legs and rinse my mouth, the sharp bite of alcohol in the mouthwash clearing my head a bit.

When I enter the room again, the dark-haired girl raises her brows slightly and has the nerve to look concerned as she lifts her head from the pillow, the action causing the blanket to slide down a bit and reveal a pair of round, average-sized breasts with large nipples. I look away, I don't want to see her.

_Cheater._

"You all right?" she asks, looking like she's debating whether or not to sit up.

"I'm fine," I reply icily, trying desperately not to sound as ill as I feel inside. I slump down on the second bed in my room; I can see that she's surprised – disappointed? – that I don't lie down next to her. I can't even muster up the energy to care. I don't want her, with her seductive smiles and looks like she wants to spend every minute of my life with me. What I want is what I already have, though never completely: something that can never be tamed, can never be owned. A person so sweet and beautiful that when I first saw him, I thought he was an angel straight from heaven. He does what he wants, with whoever he wants. Though I already am with him, I can never have him, but as long as I'm with him, I could never even imagine lusting for that woman currently occupying my bed. It would break his heart.

_Cheater. Cheater. Cheater._

I turn to face away from the other bed and cry silently.


	8. Sweet talk

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!** Comments are still love.**

**

* * *

****  
8: Sweet talk**

**Genre:** Fluff, humor**  
Rating: **K**  
Pairing:** Roxas/Sora

Definitions  
**Sweet talk:** 1. The act of persuading.

* * *

"Roxas?"

Roxas refused to raise his look from his book. He was sitting on his bed, drinking hot chocolate and reading his favorite novel. It had been a nice evening. But he knew that things would change when he heard Sora's uncertain voice. He sighed. "Oh no, I know that tone. What have you done this time?"

Sora shifted his leg nervously and scratched the back of his neck. "Well... I was walking down the market street and I kinda saw this shop..."

Roxas raised his eyes sharply and glared at him. "What did you buy, Sora?"

Sora's laugh was tense. "I- I didn't really buy anything but..."

"Spit it out."

Sora blinked and flushed slightly. "He was all alone there and his eyes were so big and... Well, I think you should come to the living room."

Roxas frowned. He had his own suspicions. _He_? Who the hell was this '_he'_? He stood up from his bed, lowered his mug on the table and followed Sora through the corridors to the living room's door.

He glanced at Sora warily. "What is this about?" he asked. Then Sora smiled sweetly and opened the door. Roxas stared. "NO. I don't accept this. It'll have to leave _- right - now_."

"But Roxas!" Sora whined. "He didn't have a home! I couldn't just leave him there!"

"We don't have any barking drool machines in my house," Roxas snapped and glowered at Sora. He glared right back.

"But he's just a pup!" Sora bent down to pick up the dog. It was black and had huge brown eyes that stared straight at Roxas. Sora pressed his cheek against the dog's soft fur and closed his eyes, smiling widely. "Look how cute he is!"

"Sora," Roxas said seriously. "Do you understand - no, wait a second, I forgot who I was talking to. A dog needs much more than just hugging and kissing occasionally. And I need peace in order to work. And if I don't work, we won't get money. And if we don't have money, we can't buy food. You get this?"

Sora pouted. "I wouldn't let him in your office. I'd make sure he'd stay away."

"It needs outdoor activities -"

"I would walk him. I promise."

"It'll eat all the time -"

"I will take care of that, too."

Roxas sighed. Sora was hopeless. "Sora. Do I look like a person who has a dog?"

Sora smiled slightly. He knew he was winning. "He wouldn't have to be_ your _dog. He can be just my dog and he'd just... live in the same house with you."

"I don't need anything noisy and needy wandering around here. You are well enough," Roxas claimed desperately. _He _knew he was losing.

Sora smirked. "You know you can't get enough of me. And he wouldn't bother you at all."

"No."

"I could take care of him completely. You wouldn't even have to touch him."

"No."

"Roxaaasss..."

"Don't whine."

"Roxas, _pleaaase_?"

Roxas turned stubbornly to look away. "Don't do that with your eyes," he said. "I already told you, we're not taking it in."

"You don't have to do anything."

"Are you ever going to give up?"

"No." Sora's smirk was seductive. He leaned just a little closer to Roxas. "If you give up, I can do the trick you _re-eally_ like tonight."

"... The one Kairi found out or the one Riku saw?" Roxas asked slowly, suddenly interested.

"The one Riku saw."

"... Agreed." Roxas grinned. "But that was a promise."

"Yes, darling."

"Don't call me darling."

"Yes, Roxas."

Roxas smiled fondly and petted their new dog. "I love you, idiot."

Sora's shiny eyes could have blinded him if he wasn't so used to it. "Love you too."


	9. Cancer is growing inside

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**7: Cancer is growing inside**

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **Angst  
**Pairing:** Sora/Roxas

Definitions  
**Cancer:** 1. A disease in which the cells of a tissue undergo uncontrolled (and often rapid) proliferation.

* * *

_'Cause the hardest part of this  
Is leaving you  
_

* * *

**  
i.**

Nowadays I feel so numb. I have become used to shady thoughts that circle in my head forever. Roxas and I, we've been together for over a year already just out of habit or maybe because we don't know how to let go. Why is it so hard, anyway? We don't have anything forcing us to stay, after all; no children, no shared apartment or marriage. Just a fading love that won't exist any longer.

I am trying to stay positive even though this situation is not getting any better. I try to pretend I am still the old me, a goofy and happy person. But it is all in the past. There is cancer growing inside of me.  
**  
ii.**

"Do you still love me?" I asked Roxas today and he was silent for the longest time. He thought and thought of his answer and only after twenty minutes he replied.

"Of course."

That is what he said - and then he shut his mouth in a tight line and kept it closed even though I tried to make him speak. The answer sounded so bored and unconcerned that I couldn't possibly believe it. But the truth was that I hadn't been waiting for anything else.

We don't speak that night or the next morning. The words that inhabit our heads stay in our heads, too. At the beginning we fought noisily but now this silence is getting too loud and smothering me; I almost miss our fights.

Roxas goes to work and I'm still silent. Again.

**iii.**

I can't sleep. Thoughts and words fill my mind, making me go insane and stay awake. I will not get any sleep tonight. Tears burn my eyes when I turn to look at Roxas. He tries to pretend he's sleeping but I know better. He's been awake all this time as well, thinking of the same things as me.

He shifts and opens his eyes. Maybe he's tired of feigning. Our gazes meet and we both have the same words in our mouths.

"I... I think this is not working. Maybe we should break up."

We strain ourselves to say it but nothing comes out. My words are chained once again.


	10. Honey shampoo

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**10: Honey shampoo **(Sequel to _Love you all_ - Sora and Roxas are a bit older)

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **Fluff  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora

Definitions  
**Honey: **1. A viscous, sweet fluid produced from plant nectar by bees.

* * *

Sora smelled sweet, like mild cinnamon and honey shampoo. His hair was soft, Roxas thought. In the summer the sunlight always glittered on it and made it seem almost fair. Because Sora was already eight, he was lacking two front teeth but Roxas thought Sora's teeth were perfect; they looked like small, white pearls.

When Sora pressed a quick kiss on Roxas' surprised lips, his mouth tasted like vanilla ice cream and too crisp apple juice. Mom had wanted to serve ice cream pie on Roxas' eleventh birthday - at first Roxas had been disappointed because he wasn't going to get a real birthday cake that was iced with whipped cream and strawberries but then Sora had said that he liked ice cream pie with a chocolate topping more. Suddenly it hadn't been so bad after all.

"Happy Birthday," Sora whispered and flashed his gap-toothed smile as he hugged Roxas who was blushing fiercely.


	11. Don't break

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**11: Don't break**

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **Angst, romance  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora  
**Warnings:** Anorexia

Definitions  
**Anorexia: **1. Loss of appetite, especially as a result of disease.  
2. Anorexia nervosa.

* * *

  
There you are, sitting on a wharf and laughing and waving your legs as the evening is slowly turning into a quiet night. Water is starting to become cold and you cry out as it strokes your toes, calves, far too thin ankles. The light is still reaching over the trees before disappearing completely; you stretch yourself and lie on your back on the wharf and the sun tickles your ribs. You smile, you laugh, and I'm feeling nauseated. I'm too scared to touch you.

You turn to lie on your stomach. When you press your head on your own arms, your shoulder blades are like two sharp bridges. I used to let my fingers outline them and you loved it. Now I stay meters away, sit quietly and watch how the light dances on your bones.

_What are you staring at?_

_You're beautiful._

You're laughing again. How could you do that to yourself?  
_  
No, I'm not. Look at me._

I'm too afraid. I fear that there won't be anything left to see in you, that every glance is wearing out your body. You're so petite, you're a straw on the wharf, you're like a ray from behind the clouds.

You smile and warmth radiates from you. I think you are doing well. Why am I feeling so ill?

_What is wrong with you?  
_  
What is wrong with me, you ask? The answer is you. I fear you will disappear. I fear that someday I will wake up and your resources have run out.

_Nothing.  
_  
And I lie down next to you so you will feel even better. You kiss my cheek and grin and when I smile, you laugh again. I used to laugh with you. Always. Now I'm far too frightened. The sun is disappearing and we stay in shadows, I would like to be next to you, around you, I'd like to be your sun like you were mine. But your thin body looks so powerless, so fragile that I'm afraid to touch you. You look like you're ready to break. You weren't always like that; you used to be so beautiful, so beautiful, I almost collapsed every time I saw you. You're always so happy. What is eating you so?

_I love you._

I fear you.

_I love you too._

I could stop you. I could save you. You little branch in the autumn silence, you little butterfly I'm too afraid to catch. You are running away from me. And I will never forgive myself for that.

I am just watching as you fade slowly day by day. You were enough for me just as you were!

_Why are you so quiet?_

Because I'm scared and I can't tell you that.

_How could you do that to yourself?  
_  
Your smile disappears as if you don't understand.

_Do what?_

Do what? Lose yourself. I can't touch you because you will break in my arms! I don't know how to handle porcelain birds.

But I don't answer after all. I just stroke you, your shoulder blades just like before; before they were so distinguishable. But I can't take it much longer, it's hurting me. I sit up and turn my back to you. I'm completely silent but there is fear screaming inside my head.

Don't break.

_You're so silly._

And you laugh again. You come to sit closer to me. Can't you see yourself? Don't you understand how gentle I must be to treat you, how hard it is to protect you from the world? I wrap my arm around you carefully. Don't break, don't break in my arms, I plead in my mind, and you just smile and purr. You are mine but I don't know how to make you my pet.

I'm weak. I can't help you. I can't stop you as you walk the wrong path; small, innocent, curious. You can't be fine.

_I feel so safe when I am near you. I fit in your arms so perfectly._

Don't break.

_Please._


	12. Caramel mouth

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**12: Caramel mouth**

**Rating: **K+  
**Genre: **Fluff  
**Pairing: **Roxas/Sora

* * *

Roxas licked Sora's lips that were sticky with sugar. The boy tasted like oranges and factitious strawberries. Whenever else Roxas would have loved the flavor but right now he felt responsible to hate it. Be bitter because of it. Riku had given those sweets to Sora. Roxas felt a ting of jealously in his chest. Sora had looked so happy. Stupid, surprised Sora whose everlasting smile was even stupider. The smile was wide and he had dimples on his cheeks.

Disgusting sweets and a disgusting taste of manufacturing. Just glucose syrup and preservatives, Roxas didn't see any sense in getting excited because of it. A smirking Riku who hadn't reminded him of Sora's birthday. Riku took all the glory and Roxas had to stand next to him, without presents and completely uninterested.

"It's okay," Sora said and Roxas doubted that he was just trying to act brave. Sora flashed him his cheerful smile.  
"Twelve isn't such an important age, anyway," Sora continued and took small, pink and yellow sweets from a brown paper bag. He offered them to Roxas but he shoved Sora's hand away.

Sora threw the sweets in the air and tried to catch them with his mouth. Even though Roxas was sulking, it was hard for him to hide his laughter as the candies fell on Sora's face and the floor of the living room. Sora raised his gaze at him and smiled. His eyes were shining and Roxas felt jealously once again. Sora probably smiled at Riku and Kairi just as sweetly, as seriously.

Sora noticed his friend's expression. He got up from the floor and sat down next to Roxas on the couch. Sora was radiating warmth against Roxas' side and he tried to lean away from him. He was still mad. Why did Sora have to force his company with him right now? He was warm and smelled of fructose. His hair was a mess and his lips were chapped.

"Why are you acting so strange?"  
"I'm not acting strange!" Roxas shouted. "I understand if you like Riku more."

Sora only blinked.

"He remembers your birthdays and sends you letters in the summer! He lends you his comics and -," Roxas' voice broke. "Who wouldn't like Riku?"

"I like Riku," Sora said. Roxas snorted. The boy next to him took his hand shakily in his own, stroked it, and observed the fingers. Sora wringed Roxas' index finger carefully, played with it and when he spoke, he kept his gaze strictly fixed on Roxas' hands.

"The sweets weren't so good," he muttered. "Kind of tangy, you know?"  
"Yeah, Riku's always had a bad taste," Roxas stated sympathetically and his anger disappeared a little. Shame was burning his cheeks. What did Sora think of him now, because he had shouted like that? He would like Riku a lot more after this even if he bought tangy sweets.

But then Sora said, "Riku's still nice."

Roxas pulled his hand back and Sora let go, confused. Roxas jumped up and went to sit on another couch, as far from Sora as possible. Childish, annoying, cheerful Sora who had a friend who couldn't even choose right sweets. Roxas would have chosen the best candy of the world. They'd have been sugary and melted in the mouth, dripped along the jaw and smelled good. They would have colored Sora's tongue pink or blue or some other color.

"I like you more!" Sora's cry woke Roxas up from his thoughts. He wasn't sure if he had heard right. Roxas glanced at his friend. Sora's ears were bright red and he was wringing his hands nervously.

"Did you say something?"  
"I," Sora stammered. "Oh, don't be stupid. I know you heard me!"

Roxas laughed. Freely and happily. His laughter echoed from the walls of the living room, out of the windows and seemed to fill the whole neighborhood. He jumped down from the couch and ran back to Sora. He took a huge leap and landed on Sora, still laughing. Sora let his thin fingers disappear in Roxas' fair hair. Sticky lips pressed on his cheek. Sora smiled against his friend's chin.

Roxas' lips touched Sora's red, chapped caramel mouth.


	13. Free hugs

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**13: Free hugs**

**Rating: **K+**  
Genre:** Fluff**  
Pairing: **Roxas/Sora

* * *

_"One hug can save a whole day!"_

I watched through the window of the café and saw that people weren't interested. They all passed him indifferently. I didn't know if that boy belonged to some sort of cult or if he had decided to share free hugs in the streets on his own, but I thought he was surprisingly right.

I was eating my apple danish and thinking. I wasn't thinking of important business. Actually I was thinking of the walls of this small café. They were white and red. It brought sweets to my mind; granny had used to give me those when I was still a kid. I had always tried to hint if I could get one more... Of course I could. But I couldn't get those sweets anymore because granny didn't exist.

I told my thoughts to change the direction. I didn't want to remember sad things. I saw as someone stuck out her middle finger at the boy. It wasn't fair. People didn't understand that this boy wasn't a whore selling himself. He just wanted to save our days. Even though we didn't deserve it.

A middle-aged guy stopped to shout at the boy. The corners of his mouth turned downwards but he didn't say a word. He didn't even try to defend himself or explain his vision. That solved it. I left the rest of my apple danish on the table and marched out of the red door.

I walked to the boy; I didn't care about the asshole who had just insulted the boy, I embraced him tightly. I heard him giggling happily in my ear. Was I really the first one who had accepted his selfless offer?  
"Who are you?" I whispered quietly.

"A boy who's lived through so many miserable days that now he wants to save others' days the best he can."

It sounded so dramatic. I couldn't let him go.

* * *

  
**A/N:** A hug can always save a day. Remember always to hug your friends and family. :)


	14. A way to a man's heart

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**14: A way to a man's heart**

Rating: K**  
Genre:** Fluff**  
Pairing:** Sora/Roxas

* * *

It was a rainy evening in July as dish clattered in Sora's kitchen; his incoherent mumbling could be heard in the background. Everything had been covered with white flour and the tables were full of broken shells of eggs and sugar that glittered in the light. Kairi was huffing and running all around the room with wipes and dusters, trying to clean the mess Sora had left behind.

The young man in question had been thinking about a perfect birthday present for his secret crush for months. He had mused and pondered everything, but every time he had come up with a good idea, he had thrown it to rubbish the next second because it wasn't original or interesting enough. He didn't want to give something boring, he wanted to be seen!

Sora wasn't even sure if his crush knew he existed. Probably not, but it was about the time for him to reveal himself. The only problem was that Sora wasn't confident or brave enough to inform his crush. Or at least he hadn't been before this day, but now he had decided to do something about it. And what would have been a better day than his crush's birthday?

Sora had been following his crush from afar and trying to find out what he was interested in. It was clear that the boy was interested in sports, but Sora didn't know a thing about skateboarding or struggling (he had only tried blitzball once!), so he couldn't really buy anything related to that. After eavesdropping the boy a few times, Sora had come to the conclusion that he liked good food just like everyone else. The problem was; Sora couldn't cook even if his life depended on it.

Where could Sora learn cooking in such a short time? He could have asked for help from his mother but he didn't have time for that right now because she lived on Destiny Islands and Sora's apartment was in Twilight Town. But luckily Twilight Town also had a big library so he could find cookbooks!

And the library didn't betray Sora. He took several promising and easy-looking books with him and locked himself in his bedroom to read them through. One of the books was made for him because it had a very precise recipe of a chocolate cake. And because he was making something for a birthday, that fit him perfectly.

The next step was practicing. Sora still didn't trust his skills; the cake would have to be nearly flawless. He couldn't possibly bring a pathetic excuse of a cake to a boy who had never even paid any attention to him. No, it couldn't happen. This was the only chance to make the boy interested.

When Sora had bought the right ingredients, he decided to call Kairi. He was sure she would love to help him with this if he asked her nicely. Besides, what were friends for? Sora had helped Kairi many times with her crushes and now it was time for her to do the same for him.

Just like Sora had thought, Kairi promised to help his doomed attempt at baking, and he was very grateful for that. His first cake had a few eggs with their shells and looked predominantly like a cement lump. But Sora didn't let it depress himself, especially since he didn't have to clean up his own mess. Every night he tried again and he got better each day.

But this time he wasn't practicing anymore, this was the real thing. Sora did everything as precisely as he could; this time he wasn't going to mess up. He had had some problems with measuring the ingredients because he had accidentally poured flour to the floor and slammed his elbow in the sugar pot at the same time. But mainly everything had went well.

Now the finished cake was on the table and Sora was looking for decorations and thinking of his plan. He had thought very carefully of what he was going to do. He couldn't just march to the boy's door and offer him a cake, congratulating him. Of course he could give his cake at school, but somehow it didn't feel right, either. There were far too much people. Finally he had come up with a good place.

Sora had found out that his crush loved chocolate, so he iced the cake with it. He examined his achievement with scepticism. It wasn't perfect but he wasn't a professional, though. He was actually kind of proud. His crush would definitely see that he had put effort in making it. When Sora glanced at the clock, he yelped with surprise. He would have to run or the most important part of his plan would be wasted.

"Kairi, I'll go now!" he exclaimed at the tired girl who nodded her head, relieved. Sora packed the cake carefully and thanked his best friend once again before running out of the kitchen with his present.

The boy ran through the twilight streets and to the struggle field. Twilight town's team was still there. Apparently their practice hadn't ended yet. Fantastic! He wasn't late after all. Sora stayed in the shadows watching as the team ran around the field a couple of times before saying goodbye to the coach and walking towards the locker rooms. Now or never, Sora thought. If he lost his courage now, he would ruin a good chance and would have to wait another year before his crush's next birthday. He couldn't let this go now.

"Roxas...?" Sora called out when the boy walked past him. Roxas turned around, looking quite surprised, and blinked at Sora. Sora was so taken aback because of that gaze that he almost forgot what he was doing. Finally his crush was paying attention to him! For a while Sora opened and closed his mouth without forming a sound.

"Did you want to talk to me?" Roxas demanded.

"Erm... yeah... I mean... I heard you have a birthday today and I thought, um..." Sora sputtered. His hands were sweating.

"Yes?"

"I baked you a present, here." Sora thrust the cake to Roxas too quickly and the boy didn't have time to react before Sora loosened his hold. The consequences were fatal.

"Ohmygoshohmygosh!" Sora prattled, staring at the mashed cake on the ground. He was terrified. Tears formed in his eyes. He had spent two months practicing! It had all been in vain! It was true that Roxas had noticed him but he would just laugh at Sora and his clumsiness and wouldn't want to be with him. Oh, he wished the ground would swallow him! But because it wasn't possible, he turned and prepared to run away.

"Clayton, wait."

"Just call me Sora," Sora answered automatically before the words struck him. He stopped and almost lost his balance. "How do you know my name?" he asked without looking at his crush. Had Roxas known about his existence after all?

"I've heard it somewhere," Roxas replied shrugging but smiled kindly all the same. "Thank you for the present."

Sora flushed slighty. "But you didn't even get it."

Roxas tapped his forehead and grinned. "It's the thought that really matters. And the day's not over yet. You can bake me another cake."

Sora didn't know what to answer. He had imagined this many times in his mind but none of those dreams matched the reality. He hadn't even hoped that Roxas would know his name. But Sora wasn't complaining. The most important thing was that his present had been accepted after all.

"I'll go take a quick shower and change my clothes and then I can come with you," Roxas explained and Sora couldn't help but agree. It seemed like this day was just getting better every passing second.


	15. Sappy love songs

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**15: Sappy love songs**

**Rating:** K  
**Genre: **Humor, fluff  
**Pairing:** Sora/Roxas

* * *

"What are you doing?" a confused voice came from the bedroom's door. The voice belonged to Riku who had just interrupted his best friend's intense staring at the mirror. Sora was dressed up in a strange suit. He was combing his brown hair and looked just a bit doubtful. Riku could see that he was thinking hard.

"Well, what does it look like I'm doing?" Sora snorted in a way which hinted that Riku should have known what he was doing right away. Riku frowned, rubbing his chin silently, and looked at his friend seriously. To him it looked like Sora was going to dress in his old and small black suit he had bought for his grandma's funeral - and go out wearing it - but that couldn't be right. Sora hated that suit.

"Er?"  
"What a prompt answer, Riku."

"Because you won't guess right anyway -," Sora started and ended up, slightly blushing, telling Riku about his date with Roxas. This caused a huge coughing fit to Riku which sounded more like a desperate attempt to hide his laughter. Sora explained, excited, that they were going to meet in an expensive restaurant and eat a romantic dinner. The longer Sora spoke, the redder his ears turned. Riku pretended he didn't notice it. He was aware of the fact that Sora wasn't the type that was used to dates and he didn't want to unnerve his friend any more.

Because Sora was clearly nervous. He only acted this way when he thought he had messed up bad. His voice was high-pitched and he seemed to tangle in his words from time to time. He was pale except for his ears - and to Riku it looked like he was going to throw up at any minute now.

Sora continued with his chatting and tried to make his hair look less spiky at the same time. He told Riku how he had sent Roxas a small card with love songs written on it. Or actually only one love song.

"I mean, actually it was just the chorus of that love song," Sora finished, blushing scarlet.

Riku raised his brow - he felt completely nonplussed - but didn't say anything out loud because he didn't want to hurt Sora's feelings. And it seemed like he had always said something wrong lately and now he also knew the reason why - Sora had been stressing about today. He was a bit puzzled because of his friend's sudden sappiness. He remembered quite clearly how Sora had used to act mostly sarcastic to smitten people, love songs and everything else that even hinted at love. It wasn't really Sora to send cards to anyone.

Riku's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he noticed what his friend was doing right now. Sora had a green tube in his hand.

"Is that... hair gel?" Riku asked, a bit warily.  
"Yeah," Sora answered, happy that Riku had noticed. "Don't you think my hair needs it? It looks a little boring right now."

"I thought I should try this because you can never be too open-minded," Sora continued, eyes wide and sparkling. Riku was afraid that they would pop out of his head.

"Besides, Roxas uses hair gel so maybe he will be impressed if he sees that I know how to use it too," Sora said. Riku bit his tongue and watched as Sora rubbed hair gel in his hair like it was shampoo. He wanted to point out that hair gel wasn't supposed to be used in that way but he was too soft-hearted to do so. Sora was so elated, his voice was even higher than before. He didn't care about Riku's expression that changed from amused to horrified and back.

"Isn't this supposed to foam or something?" Sora spoke mostly to himself and continued spreading hair gel, frowning a bit. His hair was even spikier and looked greasy. Actually it looked like Sora had dipped his head in oil and hadn't washed it afterwards, but Sora seemed very satisfied with the result. He was looking at his mirror image and smiling slightly. Riku just stared motionlessly. When Sora finally turned to look at him, Riku forced an encouraging smile on his lips.

Then a sudden, sharp knocking from the front door petrified them. Riku glanced at Sora but he just shrugged, looking like he was going to puke again. This time the knocking sounded impatient. Riku sighed, got up and went to the front door, Sora trailing behind him. When Riku saw who was behind the door, he snorted, rolled his eyes and told Sora to open it. Roxas was leaning on the door frame, trying obviously to look relaxed and charming.

"Roxas, what are you doing here?" Sora asked and pulled the boy inside.  
"Don't ruin this now," Roxas exclaimed before he lowered his voice and continued, "Shall we go?"

"Did you get my card?" Sora asked, flashing the sappiest smile Riku had ever seen at Roxas. He was secretly hoping that the couple would understand to leave soon. He was happy for Sora but he wasn't very interested in hearing their sweet confessions. To answer Sora's question Roxas pulled him against himself and kissed him passionately. Riku couldn't stand it anymore.

"Oh God, just go!" he shouted. Without saying another word, he pushed the resistant pair out of the house. Then he slammed the door shut and hoped that Sora and Roxas wouldn't be back for a _long_ time.


	16. 30 Days

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**16: 30 days**

**Genre:** Romance, drama, slight horror at the end  
**Rating:** K+  
**Pairing:** Roxas/Sora

* * *

Roxas loved him since the first day of that month. He still loved him when the first week had passed, then second and then third. He loved him passionately until the last day of the month. Until the last hours, minutes and seconds.

Roxas fell in love with his laughter. It was free and bubbling. It was that kind of laughter which tingled along the halls, climbed the walls and stuck the curtains. It was bliss. It stayed there.

Even after him the cold walls remembered his laughter. That free and bubbling one. And nobody has been as happy as back then after it. Nobody has laughed so seriously since then.

Roxas loved him and hated him more than ever before on the last day of that month. Roxas wanted to smother him with joy, amuse him to death.

Suffocate him in his own happiness.


	17. A pillowcase artist

These drabbles contain slash between Roxas and Sora. If this offends you, please turn back now. I respect any desires not to read such material and wish no offense; therefore, you have been warned about the potentially offensive content of this story. Thanks for your understanding!

* * *

**17: A pillowcase artist **(Sequel to the _Cancer is growing inside_)

**Genre: **Angst, romance**  
Rating: **K+**  
Pairing: **Roxas/Sora

* * *

_I can't see that thief that lives inside of your head__  
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed__  
I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend  
But I can be your  
_**Our Lady Peace - Thief**

**

* * *

**Roxas looked nearly peaceful while sleeping. With his eyes closed, Sandman's magical sand in his eyelashes and almost aware of the fact that all the nightmares only happened in his own mind. Sora could see a small stubble on the young man's face. Roxas' lips were slightly open and he breathed steam against the frozen window; the midwinter was hiding behind it.

Sora curled up under his warm blanket. He turned so that he could stare at his husband better; something inside his chest ached painfully and he gripped his pillow harder. He could almost taste blood as he bit his lower lip and tried not to cry. He pressed his hand against his stomach and his cold fingers on his sensitive skin sent shivers down his spine.

"Sora," Roxas muttered sleepily. Sora, who was lying on the edge of the bed as far from his husband as possible, tensed. He closed his eyes quickly and buried his head into his pillow. Roxas sneered quietly and lifted his head to see the man who was pretending to sleep beside him. Sora's breath was far too thick for him to be really asleep.

When the silence had continued for a short eternity, Sora opened his eyes again. He noticed that Roxas had fallen asleep already. A worried wrinkle between Roxas' eyebrows had become clearer, but Sora couldn't see it in the dark room. He looked at his husband's reddish lips, stubble and fair hair.

Sora bit the inside of his cheek. And Roxas opened his eyes.

"Do you watch me when I try to sleep?"

The silence followed the question again. Roxas drew flowers on his pillowcase, only invisible outlines, of course. And Sora tried to swallow his uncertainty, his muscles were still tense. He wondered why he was still ready to run away. "No... Of course not."

Roxas smiled and repeated Sora's answer with kind laughter in his voice, "Yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course you don't."

Sora was lucky that the moon wasn't bright that night. The red on his cheeks was swallowed by darkness; he felt it but he hoped that Roxas wouldn't notice it as well. Roxas' finger was still drawing flowers on the pillowcase.

"They're orange, aren't they?" Sora asked because he wanted to change the subject.

"No, they're yellow," Roxas replied, reluctant to think about something else.  
"Like the sun?"  
"Yeah. Just like the sun."

Sora fell silent and kept watching as Roxas continued drawing. He imagined those four yellow flowers in his mind. When Roxas didn't say anything else, Sora sat up. He pressed his hand on his husband's pillow, messed up the picture and wiped the imaginary paint on his shirt. Roxas stopped and stared forward but he still didn't say anything.

"I'm... I'm sorry for dying." Sora looked at the ceiling and coughed.

"It's okay," Roxas finally answered; Sora winced quietly because he knew it was okay, that Roxas had accepted it a long time ago. Because he couldn't accept it himself.

"I was watching you."  
"I know."  
"And there's nothing wrong with yellow."  
"I was just kidding. They were orange after all."  
"Yes, I knew it."

* * *

**A/N: Lung cancer** is a disease of uncontrolled cell growth in tissues of the lung. Lung cancer, the most common cause of cancer-related death in men and the second most common in women, is responsible for 1.3 million deaths worldwide annually.


End file.
